well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
