I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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