And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
