the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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