You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He felt like a one man threesome
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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