I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
