I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
