He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
