Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
