i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
