You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
