I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
