FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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