I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
