my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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