It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
