You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
