Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
