I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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