I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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