oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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