I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
