I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
