So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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