Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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