I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
