i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
