I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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