I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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