ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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