fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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