We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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