so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
