No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
