i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
