my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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