That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
