I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
