apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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