I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
