Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
