you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
