saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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