she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
