he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
