he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
