I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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