grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
barbara walters just said penis...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
