Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
