and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
